And You Think Elaine Couldn’t Stop Laughing at the Pez Dispenser?
And You Think Elaine Couldn’t Stop Laughing at the Pez Dispenser?1
I know a man who is a number of years my senior. He has many tales to tell, but one is especially humorous. It’s a true story, side-splittingly funny to conservatives and complete anathema to liberals – especially his sister.
The time was November, 1968. My acquaintance – we’ll just call him Bob – was preparing to leave in his car to go vote in the big presidential election. His sister – we’ll just call her Maisie – asked for a ride so that she could vote too. Bob said no. That’s when Maisie went crazy.
You see, old Bob was a solid conservative who naturally planned to vote Republican his first time voting in a U.S. presidential election. Yet crazy Maisie, Bob’s dope-smoking, acid-dropping, counter-culture degenerate sister needed to cast her vote for that pinko-liberal Hubert Humphrey as fast as possible so that she could get back to a quick fix and dive into a tepid pool of free love hedonism. She demanded to know why Bob would not give her a ride to the polls in what was her first U.S. presidential election as well. Bob’s reasoning was simple: he was not going to deliver his bra-less, snotty little sis complete with hippy tie-dye and daddy issues to an official polling place whereupon she would cancel out his own vote. Good man, Bob. After all, siblings don’t let siblings vote Democrat.
Well, that sweetheart of a nutball Maisie just could not process the idea of someone acting on their own will and not submitting to hers (typical liberal). Furthermore, it never seemed to occur to her that her brother had a car and she didn’t because he worked hard and saved, as opposed to her squandering and debauchery.
So how did things ultimately go down that day back in ’68? From what I understand, Maisie violently shifted through fifty shades of head-spinning, vomit-spewing berserkitude. For some reason she thought that her right to vote meant that the community had an obligation to miracle her butt to the polls (again, typical liberal). In the final analysis, Bob was a smart fella that day. It was a close election.
I laughed a fair spell the first time Bob told this story. I really felt like Elaine with the Pez dispenser. Then I asked him what ever became of Maisie. He said she never amounted to much but that she is still the only member of the family, man or woman, who sounds like Mao Tse-tung yet looks a lot like George Washington. Then he showed me her picture. Then the real laughter began.
- “The Pez Dispenser,” Seinfeld, Season 3, Episode 14
