“Are you telling us absolutely everything?” — Airplane II, 1982

What I am about to reveal has nothing to do with being out of coffee.  As a conservative it is very hard to come clean about something like this, especially to my much appreciated readers.  So I’ll just go ahead and forcefully expectorate it: I am a firm believer in climate change.  In fact, I believe that it occurs exactly four times a year, on specific dates, in the forms of spring, summer, fall, and winter.

There, I got it off my chest – didn’t even need a cry room.