Roger Goodell is not the devil. He just works for the devil. I’m clearly tardy in reporting on THE GREAT SAINTS ROBBERY. So sorry about that, folks. To begin, I would never… Continue reading “Roger Goodell is not the devil. He just works for the devil.”…
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” — Martin Luther King, Jr. (Well, I have three children, but I really don’t see why I can’t have the same dream.) On the night… Continue reading ““I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.”…
Breaking Awesome News: HHS Secretary Alex Azar will be appearing at a drug store in Metairie tomorrow! We at Vorpal-Pen have just learned through our high-quality, pesticide-free, bursting with juicy goodness grapevine that United States Secretary of… Continue reading “Breaking Awesome News: HHS Secretary Alex Azar will be appearing at a drug store in Metairie tomorrow!”…
“But think of the children!” The idea of thinking of the children is something I’ve been encouraging in my fellow conservatives regarding this whole California… Continue reading ““But think of the children!””…
“Don’t believe any false rumors, unless you hear them from me.” — New Orleans Mayor Vic Schiro Er, well, it makes sense if you think really hard about not thinking too hard about it. The important thing… Continue reading ““Don’t believe any false rumors, unless you hear them from me.” — New Orleans Mayor Vic Schiro”…
“He gets paid to abide by and to enforce the law.” — Assistant Attorney General James J. Wells (Wilford Brimley), Absence of Malice, 1981 I’m not trying to sound blasphemous, but whenever Wilford Brimley lays down the law, it’s like a voice coming straight… Continue reading ““He gets paid to abide by and to enforce the law.” — Assistant Attorney General James J. Wells (Wilford Brimley), Absence of Malice, 1981”…
Merry Christmas to all from the writers and staff at Vorpal-Pen!!! Just to be clear, the writers and staff consist of me, myself, and I. That said, the three of us… Continue reading “Merry Christmas to all from the writers and staff at Vorpal-Pen!!!”…
“If I were a 1.21 jigowatts man…” — cross-quotation of lines from the musical Fiddler on the Roof (1964) and the movie Back to the Future (1985) Yes, I know that the word is spelled gigawatts and not jigowatts. Among other things, I happen to be a… Continue reading ““If I were a 1.21 jigowatts man…” — cross-quotation of lines from the musical Fiddler on the Roof (1964) and the movie Back to the Future (1985)”…
“You look mahvelous!” — Fernando Lamas or Billy Crystal, no one really knows Time to back track for a moment. Time to talk about the Melania Safari. I wouldn’t call it old news. … Continue reading ““You look mahvelous!” — Fernando Lamas or Billy Crystal, no one really knows”…
BUI: Buying Under the Influence During the Christ-less Christmas Every year Christians get pressured, herded, coaxed, and cajoled into the same thing. And our blood commercialism level ends up… Continue reading “BUI: Buying Under the Influence During the Christ-less Christmas”…