Give It To The Girl: The Common Calculus of Criminal Craft
As the world changes, calculating criminals remain the same by virtue of a common calculus. So does the world really change?
To answer that question, we have to make a deep dive into the crushing depths of some scary and undeniable empirical observations of certain calculating criminals. These are folks who are masters of figurative fingerprint discipline, not to be found in the genus of petty criminals who, though certainly crafty, do not utilize the sort of “criminal craft” that allows their higher-order genetic relatives to go for long stretches or even lifetimes without prosecution and especially conviction. To illustrate this common calculus, from basic to advanced, we will look at three vertically connected examples of it: pimps, former four-term Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards, and the Clintons (please tell me you know which ones I’m talking about).
Making up the bottom tier of this hanging mobile is the category of pimps. They use the most common form of this calculus – its building block, if you will – in order to stay disconnected from their overall enterprise. It’s called give it to the girl. The pimp might be a lot of things, but he’s not a cashier, and he’s certainly not stupid. The girl and her customer – they’re the real lawbreakers. He’s just a hard working businessman. Well, the pimp’s system might not be foolproof, but it has worked pretty reliably for him.
Special note: I plan to blog at some point in the future on how prostitution is in no way the “victimless crime” that some try to pass it off as. Aside from the enslavement and mass indignification of women, prostitution catalyzes a multitude of spin-off crimes that do society great harm. More later.
Next, we’ll take a look at “fast Eddie,” as the former and corrupt governor of Louisiana came to be known. Edwin Edwards, a man so crooked his coffin will have to take corkscrew form so as to enter terra firma, took our basic calculus of give it to the girl to the much shrewder level of give it to the pot. You see, Edwin had always been a gambling man; and so it was simply intuitive of my great state’s First Feudal Lord to host high stakes cash poker games at his residence in which he won a statistically incomprehensible number of hands that in turn made him the sole beneficiary of enormous cash pots. Wow, barring the losers having stupidly made handwritten notes on those bills earmarking them for certain bribes, then I suppose the governor possessed a poker face for the ages.
And now, live and direct from Graft Central, the criminal genius platonic power couple of the hour, that dynamic duo of inimitable iniquity, Slick Willie and his kleptocratic super-shrew Hillary! (How’s that for an intro?) The fact of the matter is that these two make Lex Luthor look like an amateur. Heck, he only tried to snatch half of California. They were planning to steal the whole country.
But let us not go off on a boring, tangential listing of hard core facts. What would that prove? If you think that fast Eddie had it made with that poker pot, you’ll just love and admire how these two sweethearts touched their Ivy League diplomas together in a “Wonder Twin powers, activate!” moment of pure propinquitous parlay to design a scaled-up, amped-up, uranium-enriched improvement fairly well known as give it to the Clinton Foundation. Imagine that, creating and operating your very own Bank of International Bribery Settlements. Now that’s the zenith of criminal craft. That sort of accomplishment comes by way of an advanced calculus. Ironically, although its creators might wear the finest cloth and speak in silver-tongued oratory, they are no less in the the gutter than that pimp.
One more thing about the Clintons: in the novel The Godfather, Vito Corleone states, “A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.” Bill and Hill happen to be two lawyers, making them equal to two hundred men with guns (if I’m doing my math right). However, in view of a sheer criminal genius that arguably would relegate the Joker, Penguin, and Riddler to mere dilettante status, a metaphorical hypocrisy is created. That is because their briefcases do not just take on the effect of 200 guns, but 200 modern guns – vile assault weapons – the ones that the Clintons and all liberals claim are more of a threat than disease, famine, toxic masculinity, and the fact that the world will end in twelve years. Moreover, the guns of these white collar wizards are fed by the highest capacity “Hollywood” magazines of all time. Think about it: they’ve been firing both with purpose and indiscriminately since Whitewater and have never had to reload. I honestly believe that Juan and Eva would have given these two a blank check for private lessons.
Lastly, I cannot close without answering the paramount question posed in the opening: “So does the world really change?” Being a conservative and therefore an optimist, I believe that the good guys, through constant back-breaking struggle, are making the world a better place. The down side is that currently it is happening an inch at a time. That is because the aforementioned tier-one graft masters and all like them act as a dropped anchor to the great ship of state, dragging the seabed and slowing its course. If only we could inspire all hands to cut that anchor chain. Then our great nation could resume the only speed that has ever brought it success and world respect: all ahead full.
