The Big Reveal About Eric

I’ve only been blogging since August of last year; however, there has come to exist such a wellspring of support for my writing that I can no longer in good conscience deny my readers something known as honesty.  For it is honesty that is the foremost courtesy one owes to the masses who unconditionally show courtesy by using their personal time to so strenuously offer concurrence with and encouragement for one’s efforts.

So here it goes.  When I was but a teenager I was diagnosed with advanced stage, inoperable smartassness.  That’s some pretty heavy news to have heaped upon one’s shoulders.  That said, it was quite welcome, and I found it to be every bit as uplifting as the day I was informed of the extraordinary results of my IQ test.  Only in this case the good news came in two parts.  First, the diagnosis was rendered by a team of biased, bungling, ambitionless, cynical, fatalistic, nihilistic, and unapologetically grumpy liberals at my school who were tasked with teaching and preaching socialism, communism, liberation theology, advanced left-wing vitriol – you know, wholesome stuff.  Second, I was told that there was no known cure.

Truly, this was a pivotal moment in my life.  It was a sign from Almighty God that I had been endowed with the same qualities and talents found in all other conservative Americans.  And it meant that I could cross blades with liberals and win every time, whether with a saber of truth or a cutlass of logic.  Besides, their bark is always worse than their bite, and they don’t actually possess any real fighting skills.  The main liberal tactic is to try to shut us up as a means of shutting us down.  Many, many conservatives have experienced this first hand.

Now, getting back to that smartassness diagnosis.  I’m sure you’re fully aware that this is simply a spurious taint that liberals try to attribute to conservatives.  Every big liberal overlord from coast to coast perennially practices to propagandize the rest of their species and near-species, RINOs, into falsely believing that our standing up for truth and justice and especially our regular citations of the real intent of the Founding Fathers amount to nothing more than impudence on the part of good people who they consider to be simply a persistent irritation.  Well, I hope this doesn’t sound too crass, but we seem to have really irritated the snot out of them in the last election.  I beg of you: KEEP DOING IT.

Smartassness beats dumbassness every time.  You can bet your ass on it.